A guide to classical composers (and why YOU should listen to their music too) By polonaisecminor

WHY is classical the best music ever?!!? ¥ ! Cuz its been around forever ¥ ! itÕs not all sappy love songs (unlike SOME genre of musicÉ) ¥ ! and cuz of the following bamfs that I shall cover in this presentation ¥ ! bear with me

JOHANN SEBASTIAN MUTHA FUCKIN BACH This man right here heÕs the one he usually goes by J.S. Bach cuz he was such a playa he had approximately 57,894 children and like two of them tried to be composers but they sucked arsch at it compared to the GOD of music wrote over 1000 masterpieces w/o breaking a sweat, goddamn I canÕt even play scales evenly Brandenburging some concertos and whatnot, also rocked the organ before rock was invented Mass in B minor? More like IÕm about to jizz my pants from this angelic beauty His counterpoint could beat your counterpoint any time any place

But we canÕt forget VIVALDI (even though he was forgotten for like 5000 years but I digress) his red headed holiness had mad skill on the violin wrote about 500 concertos impressive or what um he wrote the FOUR SEASONS also wrote some opera his gloria mass is phenomenal wouldnÕt you know it he was a priest crazy good composer, man of God, what more could you want lived in Venice how sick is that?

this here is MOZART that face says ÒIÕm better than you and you know it.Ó as i sob in the corner b/c itÕs true DoesnÕt even need an intro this man wrote symphonies when he was six Jesu Christo when i was six i just picked my nose everywhere and watched blues clues very stylish, only BFFs with fucking EMPEROR JOSEPH II symphonies 25 and 41, the magic flute, piano concerto 21, and lick my ass all beautiful masterpieces You think all his music is happy and fruity haha think again mofo i got three words for you: - ! REQUIEM - ! MASS IN C MINOR - ! DON GIOVANI - ! K THIS IS MORE THAN THREE WORDS BUT I DON Õ T CARE - ! WHY AM I STILL SCREAMING

dun dun dun DUUUUUUUUN Goddamn heÕs handsome he can hammer my klavier all day id turn gay for him ÒLovely Ludvig VanÓ - that psycho from clockwork orange Only the greatest person EVER singlehanddedly saved vienna (music wise) Wrote music when he was DEAF Symphonies 3 5 6 7 9 Piano Concertos 3 4 5 Missa Solemnis The STRING QUARTETS 32 piano sonatas (INCLUDING moonlight and pathetique , not pathetic) Need I say more also angst very angst too many feels all the time AKA Beethoven

and that Õ s just the tip of the iceburg É ¥ ! I donÕt even have enough time/slides to cover these geniuses: ¥ ! Chopin ¥ ! Liszt ¥ ! Schubert ¥ ! the Schumann couple ¥ ! Brahms ¥ ! Mendelssohn ¥ ! Berlioz ¥ ! Verdi ¥ ! Wagner ¥ ! MAHLER ¥ ! Scriabin ¥ ! Ravel ¥ ! Debussy ¥ ! Tchaikovsky ¥ ! Bruckner ¥ ! Sibelius ¥ ! *takes deep breath ¥ ! Stravinsky ¥ ! Prokofiev ¥ ! Shostakovich ¥ ! Grieg ¥ ! Gershwin ¥ ! Schoenberg ¥ ! Bruckner ¥ ! i could go on but iÕd get an aneurism

IN CONCLUSION ¥ ! Check these guys out, ok? Their music will change your life ¥ ! idk what else to sayÉ. ¥ ! HereÕs a picture of a goat in basketball shorts FIN